thirty sexts.

– I should have kissed you.
– They say that crazy people are great at sex. I guess there’s an exception for every rule.
– I regret everything. Except for the time I somehow managed to come in both your of eyes at once. That was some awesome X-Men shit.
– “Again?”, you ask, but I’m one step ahead of you. “Again?” “Again?”. Eventually you stop asking. I wish you wouldn’t.
– You were old enough to be my father. You looked it from the neck up, so I stared past you, at the wall instead. You really should get those cracks fixed up. I think my parents know someone, I could probably get the number if you wanted?
– That photo of you that mysteriously disappeared? That was 15 year old me. Whoops.
– I always thought it’d be hot to fuck a straight guy, but actually it’s just kind of immensely boring.
– There’s not enough room here to house us both and the intense cloud of awkwardness that has just descended, so I’ll leave. Um. No, really, it’s fine, I’ve got stuff to do anyway.
– Please touch me.
– Please don’t say no.
– Please don’t.
– Please.
– The back of your car is really big.
– This cubicle is really big.
– Your penis is really small.
– For future reference: the soundtrack to the motion picture “Evita” is not – not – an appropriate music choice for sex. No. Don’t cry for me, Argentina.
– So, some crazy people are obviously very, very good at sex.
– Also, acrobats.
– Oh, you again. I… sure?
– I lost interest but it seems rude to just… I mean. You couldn’t just finish yourself off?
– This doesn’t happen to me, I swear. Give it a second. Uh. Try counter-clockwise.
– I don’t even want to have sex, I just want to look at you. Wait, no, come here.
– Sorry for making you vomit while you were giving me head. And… sorry for bringing it up again here.
– “This doesn’t mean anything,” I say as I push you down onto the bed. “Okay?”. You nod, but I can sense your denial – it means something. I follow you down regardless.
– I feel safe.
– I feel loved.
– I feel lucky.
– I feel pressured.
– I feel nothing.
– I should have kissed you, harder.


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